I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize