He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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