So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
