When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
