i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize