I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
