he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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