Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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