So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
