Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
