Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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