The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
