Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
