Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
