I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ok first of all what the fuck
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