Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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