Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
