The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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