How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
