he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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