we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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