We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
NoShamevember. You game?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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