Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
