I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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