i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
