ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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