WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
