a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
