dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
