i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
