so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
