What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
