WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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