Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
