Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize