I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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