I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
40s are totally the cure
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
