Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
