You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
