Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
