I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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