Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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