Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
