I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
