Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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