you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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