Pappa wants mamma naked
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
