i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
