There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
