you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
