you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
