I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
