She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This house was built for laser tag.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
