He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Boobs speak an international language.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
