you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize