Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
