went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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