alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
