You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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