we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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