just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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