hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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