U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
