You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
