I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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