literally had 100 drinks last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize