my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
