I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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