Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
