Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i believe in u and ur pee
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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