apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
