Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
