Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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