before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
