dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
