is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
