yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
