Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
