We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
