I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
