Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
