I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
