the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
