Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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