her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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