Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
