walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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