Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
