was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
