my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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