just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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