K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
